'What Fresh Hell Is This?'

As Dorothy Parker used to say each time the phone rang, I now find myself saying the same whenever I lift the lid off the compost bins. Having survived rats in Year 1 (do not locate bins in tight cosy corners) and forced to abandon a more open plan wooden affair (plastic: I know, I know), by Year 2 I enjoyed perfect compost from my first bin, and added a second bin. In Year 3 I got careless about the vital green-and-brown combination of material. This is the most common way people mess up their bins – (another is adding tons of lawn mowings). It's vital to have a good mix, preferably in layers, of garden and kitchen waste, (‘green’) and other matter like prunings, twigs, leaves, scrunched up waste paper ('brown') in order to create the right environment for the compost to do its thing. I've been hefting tons of green waste in and forgetting the rest. Big mistake.

These are not just slugs, these are M&S Slugs. Fat, splodgy, grey-brown, about 7” long and another 1” wide. Multiplying like rabbits inside each bin. (Bring back Rabbit, all is forgiven.) They are the stuff of nightmares. Chucking in straw and letting the bins dry out was suggested and this has been done in one. I put leaves in the other one and am avoiding using either for the moment. It’s all very well to volunteer tips to random people who ask me about their compost-sludge-hell, but I really need to follow my own advice.